Building Independent sons & daughters with Special Needs



Building Independent Sons & Daughters

OR

Getting out of our own way and Firing the Nanny and Butler

It’s not so easy for parents…..

           Parents may feel guilty

           * Parents may be afraid their son or daughter might get hurt

           * Some parents want it perfect & done fast

           *Parents may not understand their child’s capabilities

           Parents may work full time, have other siblings & have little help in the home

           * Parents may not know HOW!! Confrontation can be hard

           * The task seems so time-consuming & exhausting

           * Sometimes cultural beliefs and roles make it difficult

           But You Are Sustaining Dependence The Longer You Wait

           You are anticipating their every need

           * You are problem solving for them

           * You are communicating for them

           * You are picking up after them

           * You are taking care of every activity of daily living

           You Are Limiting Their Growth & Development

           They never have to initiate

           * Think of a plan or carry out a plan

           * They are not required to communicate but instead throw tantrums to get needs met

           * You choose their clothing

           You do their laundry

           * You make their lunches

           * You make sure they have a coat or jacket

           * You pour, cut, stir, open and even get out all food items for them

           With the best of INTENTIONS (Love, Caring, time, fights, lack of knowledge)

           BUT Parents Need to Do Less for their son/daughter BECAUSE

           Your children will take a longer time to learn all the independent activities that their typical peers learn easily

           * Your child learning skills will build his/her self-esteem, give them confidence and develop a willingness to try new things

           * Your praise for their accomplishments in this area will make them proud

           * The more skills your son or daughter attempts, partially meets or totally accomplishes opens more social doors, educational doors, vocational doors and living doors

           INDEPENDENCE INCREASES CHANCES FOR FUTURE SUCCESS IN ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE

           So Get Out of Your Own Way

           FIRST Forgive yourselves if you are holding yourself responsible for your son or daughter’s challenges

           THEN

           Let go of the following pre-conceived ideas

  1.    a) My child will never learn, or it’s too early to teach that or I can’t learn how
  2.    b) My child can’t do that, my child won’t do that
  3.    c) I don’t have time to help my child learn this
  4.    d) This is the school’s responsibility
  5.    e) The Speech Therapist, the Occupational Therapist & the Physical Therapist or teacher will

                  solve this problem

           DEVELOP AN ATTITDUE OF POSSIBLITY THINKING

           THEN REACH OUT FOR HELP

           To Parent Networks who provide workshops on just about everything, even teaching independent skills and how to write functional living IEP goals

           * To your education team & regional center team early and make sure independence is a major part of each & every IPP and IEP discussion with IEP & IPP goals addressing skills of daily living

           * Hire in home helpers but make sure they are also addressing the building of independence

           * Reach out to counseling if you are needing to work through guilt, depression or accepting and prioritizing life with your special needs amazing son or daughter

           Take Responsibility

           Teachers want to help…reach out to them

           * Agencies and private consultants are available…..reach out to them

           * Manuals and curriculums are available….. Buy them, read them and choose one activity a month to try

           * There are conferences, workshops, lectures, seminars, video web sites on line for teaching living skills…. Click on them, experience them

           Start giving your son/daughter choices early

           * Don’t wait to your son/daughter is almost an adult to act

           * Don’t do everything for you son/daughter

           * Don’t rule out possibilities

(see more steps in next blog)

Karen Kaplan